Denny Crane Wisdom

''Edwin Poole's problem is he doesn't like being Edwin Poole. From time to time he'd look in the mirror and ask, 'What's the point?' I never do that. Questions like that'll kill you.''

''There's a difference in being an ass and being effective. When you win, they say you're effective. When you lose, which I never do, they call you an ass.''

''You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter lets him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says 'Who's that?' St. Peter says, 'Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane.''

''Canada. Japan. England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody''

Here's a tip my friend. Never, ever talk about anything to do with the environment. Makes you boring. Second, it's political. You gotta figure half the people are against you.

This is not a meaningful life! Practicing law, drinking scotch at nine o'clock in the morning. Nine o'clock scotch is meaningful, but practicing law, making money, settling petty disputes...

''I realized the truth about myself. I just love power.''

''We're talking juries. It always comes down to simple. And, I mean, there's nobody simpler than me.''

''Your fifteen minutes are almost up. Mine has lasted a lifetime.''

''Wow. Big day. Even for Denny Crane.''

''The only thing to be scared of, son, is tomorrow. I don't live for tomorrow. Never saw the fun in it.''

''I may not be the Denny Crane I once was, but until today I didn't realize that this Denny Crane might be even better.''